🌈⚽ The Match No One Asked For — and the Hierarchies Everyone Denies
Somewhere, an intern hit “shuffle teams”, and fate said, “Oh, you want a teachable moment? Fine.” ✨
There are moments when the universe gives you a gift so perfectly absurd, so accidentally poetic, that all you can really do is sit there and applaud the cosmic scriptwriter. This week’s example arrived courtesy of an upcoming FIFA-hosted “Pride Match”, for which the organizers — with either divine irony or total blindness — managed to draw Iran and Egypt as the two teams.
Yes.
Iran.
And Egypt.
Playing in a rainbow-branded friendly. 🌈
Somewhere, an intern hit “shuffle teams”, and fate said,
“Oh, you want a teachable moment? Fine.” ✨
You don’t need to know anything about Middle Eastern politics to get the joke. These are not exactly the nations you’d cast in the remake of Love, Simon. Their governments have all the enthusiasm for Pride branding that a cat 🐱 has for bath water. And yet here they are, placed center stage beneath the kaleidoscope arch. 🌈⚡
It’s reminiscent of the 2022 World Cup in Qatar, where rainbow flags were technically allowed — but only after enough diplomatic massaging to make everyone feel equally misunderstood.
“Yes, bring your symbol of inclusion,” they said,
“but don’t, you know, mean anything by it.” 🤷♂️
And now we’re running the same experiment at home. You quickly discover that “inclusion” doesn’t mean “every worldview belongs.” It means “the worldview highest in the current cultural ranking wins.” 🏆 Which is to say: we’re dealing with hierarchy.
⚠️ The Modern Fear of Hierarchy
For reasons no modern philosopher has yet unpacked, we’ve developed a cultural allergy to anything ending in -archy.
Hierarchy, patriarchy, monarchy — all bad, all oppressive, all to be resisted with the fervor of a man swatting at invisible bees 🐝.
The only -archy people seem to like is anarchy — and only because they think it looks cool on a sticker. 🎨
🧩 Hierarchy is Everywhere
But whether we acknowledge it or not, hierarchy sits quietly at the center of every social arrangement.
Sports have hierarchy ⚽🏀
Workplaces have hierarchy 🏢
The order in which you approach a four-way stop sign 🚦 is a hierarchy
Even the line at the buffet 🥗🍖 is a hierarchy — we just accept it because it prevents the potato salad from becoming a contact sport.
The irony is that inclusion without hierarchy is impossible.
If you include people who believe X and people who passionately believe Not-X, you inevitably have to choose which belief governs the space.
That choice is hierarchy. You can deny the word, but you can’t escape the structure. 🏛️
🎭 The Cosmic Comedy of FIFA
And so we end up here: an international Pride Match where two nations uncomfortable with the event’s premise must decide whether to play, while organizers must decide which worldview takes precedence.
Everyone is participating in hierarchy while loudly insisting hierarchy doesn’t exist. 🤡
It’s not hypocrisy. It’s just the cultural equivalent of holding your breath and claiming you’ve abolished air. 🌬️
Sometimes history hands you a metaphor.
Sometimes FIFA does it for you. ⚽🌈✨
Ultra Extreme, Ultra Absurd, Pocket FOB Edition Checklist — “Iran vs Egypt Pride Match Chaos”
🌈⚽ Ultra Extreme, Ultra Absurd, Pocket FOB Edition Checklist — Iran vs Egypt Pride Match Chaos
🌀 Teams & Cosmic Irony
Iran — exists ✅
Egypt — exists ✅
😵 Reality — optional acknowledgment
🤯 Cosmic humor — mandatory
🌈 Rainbow Infrastructure
Stadium banners 🌈
Mascots 🌈
Hotdogs 🌭 — rainbow optional but hilarious
Cats/dogs disturbed 🐱🐶
♠️ FIFA Cosmic Shuffle
Intern presses “shuffle teams” 🎰
Pray to universe ✨🙏
Sweat emoji counts: 💦💦💦
⚖️ Inclusion ≠ Inclusion
Affirm X ✅
Exclude not-X ❌
Hierarchy exists anyway 🏛️
Anarchy allowed. Other -archies feared 🐝
🕸️ Network Reality Check
Nodes, hubs, edges — inevitable
Flatness is illusion 🌪️
Chaos if denied ⚡
🎭 Philosophical Punchline
Schrödinger’s welcome mat 🐱📦
Universe: delivers metaphor in soccer form 🌎⚽
Laugh uncontrollably 🤹♂️
Consume rainbow snack 🌮🌈
🔥 Micro-Optional Actions
Emoji-only tweet 🤖🌈⚽💥
Internal sigh 😤
Repeat until reality bends 🛋️💫